Best Chicken Joke Ever

Ten Commandments

10 Commandements

Cross Trails Church in Gainesboro TN

Some people have trouble with all those 'shall's' and 'shall not's' in the Ten Commandments. Folks just aren't used to talking in those terms.. So, in middle Tennessee they translated the 'King James' into ' Jackson County ' language.....no joke. It's posted on the wall at the church. This is funny and much easier to remember!

  1. Just one God
  2. Put nothin' before God
  3. Watch yer mouth
  4. Git yourself to Sunday meetin'
  5. Honor yer Ma & Pa
  6. No killin'
  7. No foolin' around with another fellow's gal
  8. Don't take what ain't yers
  9. No tellin' tales or gossipin'
  10. Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff

Now that's plain an' simple. Y'all have a nice day!

Getting Old
An Old Cowboy's Advice

  1. Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight, and bull-strong.
  2. Keep skunks, bankers and lawyers at a distance.
  3. Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
  4. A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
  5. Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.
  6. Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.
  7. Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.
  8. Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
  9. It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.
  10. You cannot unsay a cruel word.
  11. Every path has a few puddles.
  12. When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
  13. The best sermons are lived, not preached.
  14. Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.
  15. Don't judge folks by their relatives.
  16. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
  17. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.
  1. Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't botherin' you none.
  2. Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
  3. If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
  4. Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
  5. The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with watches you from the mirror every mornin'.
  6. Always drink upstream from the herd.
  7. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
  8. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.
  9. If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
  10. Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
Never Complain About My Job Again!
As You Slide Down the Banister of Life, Remember...
  • Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called "Ministers Do More Than Lay People".
  • Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.
  • The difference between the Pope and your boss is that the Pope only expects you To kiss his ring.
  • My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it's gone.
  • The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.
  • I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.
  • It used to be only death and taxes now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.
  • A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.
  • My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines and a large trash can.
  • A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid."
  • Definition of a teenager? God's punishment...for enjoying sex.
  • As you slide down the banister of life, may The splinters never point the wrong way.
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