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An Old Cowboy's Advice
- Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight, and bull-strong.
- Keep skunks, bankers and lawyers at a distance.
- Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
- A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
- Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.
- Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.
- Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.
- Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
- It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.
- You cannot unsay a cruel word.
- Every path has a few puddles.
- When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
- The best sermons are lived, not preached.
- Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.
- Don't judge folks by their relatives.
- Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
- Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back,
you'll enjoy it a second time.
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- Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't botherin' you none.
- Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
- If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
- Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
- The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with
watches you from the mirror every mornin'.
- Always drink upstream from the herd.
- Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
- Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.
- If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin'
somebody else's dog around.
- Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
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Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called "Ministers Do More Than Lay People".
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Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.
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The difference between the Pope and your boss is that the Pope only expects you To kiss his ring.
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My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it's gone.
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The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.
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I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.
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It used to be only death and taxes now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.
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A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.
My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines and a large trash can.
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A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid."
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Definition of a teenager? God's punishment...for enjoying sex.
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As you slide down the banister of life, may The splinters never point the wrong way.
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